3 Steps to Establishing Healthy Boundaries in your Life, Business, and Ministry.

by Mary Chalhoub on July 17, 2017


Setting healthy boundaries has been a frequent struggle of mine. I could have prevented many painful situations if I had established healthy boundaries from the beginning. But with time and experience, I began to recognize the patterns and signs of unhealthy relationships.

Some people clearly have a hard time saying NO to everyone. Others may have stronger boundaries in certain areas than others. For example, you may have clear communication and firm guidelines with your employees at your business but you work so much that you don’t spend enough time with your children and you feel guilty so you have a hard time saying no to anything they want.  The truth is we all have or will encounter situations where we will need to establish healthy boundaries in order to succeed in life.

Ask yourself the following questions to help you determine if you need to establish healthy boundaries:

Do you have difficulty saying NO to others?
Do you do things out of feeling guilty?
Do you attempt to please others even at the expense of what’s best for you?
Do you struggle with expressing your thoughts and feelings when someone upsets you?
Do you put yourself last and put others first?
Do you say YES to others when you haven’t filled yourself up first?

If you answered Yes to any of these questions, then you may need to set boundaries.

It breeds co-dependency. It prompts you to attract people and situations that drain you because you are not honoring your own needs and boundaries. It can create anger and resentment towards the person who you are putting first, therefore resulting in complaining, feeling taken advantage of, and feeling powerless. It can also cause you to feel like a victim of a circumstance rather than stepping up and making choices for yourself based on love. Here’s the truth… you are never a victim of your circumstance. The solution is to act from a place of love, not fear.

The following are the steps to setting healthy boundaries:

  1. Identify your fears and practice saying NO with love. Take charge of your time, energy, and resources. Saying no relieves you from over commitment, guilt, and frustration and frees you up to engage in activities that are meaningful to you. Realize that the fear is perceived and not real.
  2. Prioritize. Make a list of things that are important to you. Let go of any fears you may perceive and choose love over fear. When you do so, you are committing an act of self-love.
  3. Give yourself grace and be patient because change takes time.

Think of your life as a dance. Stop allowing others to come and take the lead. You take control of your life and lead, then the others will follow.

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© 2013 Mary Chalhoub & Kingdom Roar International, Inc.